@dynastybrit’s definitely accurate, 100% true outcomes of the CFB week 2 round-up week 2.
As we approach week 3, let’s see where we are with some of the main storylines in college football. Let’s look back to week two and highlight some of the outcomes on and off the field.
There’s already 100+ articles out there recapping the details of CFB week 2. You definitely don’t need another one. Fear not, this is definitely not that. Join me as we take a slightly more lighthearted, abstract if you will, look at the state of college football before another chaotic week.
Disclaimer: the following may or may not be true. But in a world where Kansas are 2-0, what even counts as true or real anymore?
No more 4th Quarter Bryce, PLEASE!
Firstly, it’s been reported by anonymous sources that Auburn fans and Texas fans have begun a crowd funding campaign to create a safe space from Bryce Young 4th quarter drives.
After some initial research, the space will include a dart board with Bryan Harsin’s face on it, as well as a TV that just continually plays a re-run of A&Ms loss to Appalachian State.
The feeling of confusion around College Station, TX Saturday night was palpable. After finding out their Aggies paid App State 1.5 million to play the game, fans couldn’t comprehend the loss. One fan, wearing an elite dungarees vest combo, commented: “Isn’t that how this sport works? We give people money and we get things we want? That’s how it worked with our 2022 recruiting class!”
Just Another Pitch Invasion
After the BYU and Baylor game finished in overtime, a brawl ensued after scores of fans attempted to shout “have you heard about the good word” over each other. Many white collared shirts were torn in the process.
Reports of cars being overturned and couches being burned after the Kentucky win on the road to Florida shocked fans from other parts of the country. Lexington police, however, just figured a new vegan smoothie shop had been unveiled so they left them to it.
Tennessee fans were gutted when their Vols came storming back to win the game at Pitt. When asked why, one fan said, “the win is great but I bought a bunch of shares French’s Mustard in the off-season and I’m starting to get concerned”.
Iowa State got their first Cyhawk trophy win in 7 years. After scoring just 14 points in two games, Iowa coaches admitted that their decision to let an actual hawk call plays may have backfired.
Kansas hung 55 on WVA in their second win of the season. Kansas’ new walk-on quarterback Matrick Pahommes did seem somewhat familiar though.
Notre Dame head coach Marcus Freeman became the first to ever lose his beginning 3 games. When pressed for comment a member of the Vatican said: “contrary to popular belief, God is not all-loving, especially in losing seasons”. The last time Notre Dame had a losing season was 2016 when they went 4-8. During that same year Trump became president, Britain left the EU, there was a coup in Turkey and an earthquake in Italy. Read into that how you will.
An Early Frost in Nebraska
And finally, Nebraska fired prodigal son Scott Frost after his loss to Georgia Southern in Lincoln. One athletic dept employee member supposedly commented, “this is not like the prodigal son story from the bible. We really hope he never comes home again. We literally just paid him to leave”. This is of course a reference to Scott Frost’s buyout dropping by $7.5m on October 1st. Although, the damage done to city property had he stayed would’ve probably amounted to much more.
Thats it for the straight truth from you CFB week 2 round-up. I’ll be back next weekend for the recap of week 3. Have a great week and yes, I absolutely hate your team.
-Jake Self @dynastybrit